 |
where inexactly is Chiltington Lane? by
Zsolt Kerekes author /
resident4 books I wrote for kids an East Chiltington walk my first goblin book for kids a new legend of the South Downs East Chiltington? - how I came to live here Pirate Books - which may have influenced my own |
I get lost very easily.
It's more accurate to say - I'm never too confident where I am - in a geographical sense. But this doesn't stress me out as it's my normal condition. From an existentialist point of view as long as the place I'm in is reasonably comfortable I don't worry myself with thoughts about how it might be connected to other places (where I'm not). Or even whether those other places maintain their relative positions to each other. As far as I'm concerned they can all wiggle about as much as they like. The geography gene (if there is one) is probably missing in my case. So what are my qualifications for writing this blog? - which has the title you see above... "I've lived here for 10 years." - That kind of assertive statement would probably work if it were said by someone else. But this is me saying it - so I wouldn't place too much reliance on that if I were you. In
an incident which I'm sometimes reminded of by members of my family I got lost
in the lane when I was less than a few hundred yards from my front door - when
(having thought I had correctly identified a particular railway bridge) I turned
the wrong way and ended up miles away near some sort of garden shop selling
orchids - which was closed as the hour was growing late. At the time I was the adult in charge of two young children (my nephew and niece) and we had already been walking for four hours in the vicinity of the Downs (where they lived) and we were coming back home - so we thought at the bridge - and looking forward to having a rest. That was one of the earliest occasions when I found that having a mobile phone (of the pre smartphone variety) was useful.  (I
was the last adult in the UK to have a mobile phone. A fact that customers of my
wife's company - who were designing mobile phones found extraordinary. Ask him
what features he'd need to see in a phone to make it attractive for him to get
one - they said. I gave them my list. That was in 2006. Nowadays - in 2016 -
the torch app is there - but I'm still waiting for the built in electric shaver.
The phone I had in this story had been a present from my Mum - for just such
emergencies.)Back at being lost... I realized at the orchid shop that we had probably gone in the wrong direction and we were all too tired to try any more navigational experiments I phoned home and through a breaking up kind of connection tried to explain where I was. That was not easy - because (self evidently) I didn't have a clue.  There's
a noisy road here - I said. (I had had a premonition earlier that I was getting
lost when I heard the car noise as we were approaching the orchid place (because
Chiltington Lane is normally very very quiet).Which road is that? - asked my wife on the phone. I don't know. But they sell orchids. Luckily that was enough for her to guess where we were and we got a lift home. In my defense I have to say that I had only been living in Chiltington Lane for about 7 months at the time and since then a lot of water has flown under the bridge, many trial and error lessons have been learned from similar navigational experiments and the cumulative effect has to increase my confidence in finding my way up and down this charming little lane. How did you ever find it in the first place? - You may be asking. OK - my brother in law found out it existed and told me on the phone. Then the first time we came to visit I there was a satnav in the car which knew where the lane was. The second time we came to view the house we came in a different car without a satnav and we missed the turn when we were quite close and drove around a bit. But detours of a few miles when you're in a car aren't quite as tiring as when you're on foot. Which brings me back to... where in/exactly is it? When trying to explain roughly where this part of the country lies I start by estimating how much of a geographical expert is the person I'm talking to? More of an expert than you (in almost every case) I can hear you thinking. Well, even so, I try to narrow in the explanation of where the lane is by starting with a reference which they might already know. Do you know where London is? (This was the start of a conversation I had with some people in the US. They had already guessed I was English or Canadian because of my accent. More likely English because they watch Downton Abbey. So we were already part of the way to knowing where here is. It's in England. Everyone knows London right? - especially if they've flown into one of the many London airports. London-Heathrow, London-Gatwick, London-Birmingham...) Anyway if you start at London - we're in a line straight down to the coast and then you come back up a bit and we're a little way to the right. Near Hastings? Not quite so far. That's a good enough explanation for people who just want to know where "here" is - but who aren't planning to use that knowledge to get here. If people already know Brighton it's much easier. We're about 15 or 20 minutes north of Brighton - but over towards Lewes. Apparently (so I read in a history book so it must be true) Lewes used to be far better known than Brighton. So when people were trying to find their way to naughty Brighton (when this was starting be a fashionable place to go in the something or other century) the address would say something like "Brighton near Lewes". If people are a bit more local - such as someone I might meet in Lewes - I'd say - It's over towards Plumpton but you get to Chiltington a mile or so before you get there. If the person I'm talking to has a very good idea of local geography then I can more confidently say - it's between Plumpton and Cooksbridge. Those are useful navigational beacons because not only are they places which you can get to by car - but also they have railway stations. I'll be saying more about the railways in another note. But to summarize where I've got so far - Chiltington Lane doesn't connect to any roads which you might know. To get here you first have to find some very awkward and hard to find lanes which join up to better signposted roads - then if you're facing the right way (with the Downs on your left or right or straight ahead - depending which of these you have got to) then you wiggle along a bit and then all of sudden the name of the lane changes. Coming from one direction the fact that you have arrived is confirmed by a sign. But if you're unlucky enough to come from one of the other directions then the road sign has fallen off and all you see is some posts in a ditch.  There
is some kind of directional marker at this point with various words on it which
you can't guarantee you'll read as you drive around trying to avoid hitting
anything coming the other way or going into a ditch. This is at the intersection of 2 other lane names which meet at an awkward angle - so when driving along 2 of them (Wickham Lane and Beechwood Lane) you can get the false impression that you're actually continuing in a straight line along one and the same lane. But I can assure you - you're not. A lot of people keep driving on when they should be giving way too. (By the way - if you know the names of those other 2 lanes already then this blog wasn't intended for navigational experts like you. You should probably be the one writing it.) Anyway at that point - where the 3 lanes (with different names) all come together in a triangle- the road sign does say something about East Chiltington. (I think it does. I'll go out later and check if it still does.) The angle it's pointing to can be difficult to judge. So a practical hint is this. If you see the sign which says East Chiltington and you haven't just come from Chiltington Lane and if you aren't coming from another detour (which you already have confirmed is the wrong way) then that's probably the right way to go. About a mile up the road on your right you will encouragingly see a confirmatory sign which says unambiguously "Chiltington Lane" (hurrah!) and then you know you've just driven through it and should turn around and go back to where you've just been. That was it. In another blog I'll give you the exact set of instructions to give visitors or delivery drivers - which take into account how high their vehicles are whether it's likely to be raining or it's a Wednesday. Later note added:- Since writing this blog Thursdays have become good days to avoid some weeks too. |
|
|
| well done! Now you know how to get here you must be exhausted. If you live here you can now make yourself a cup of tea (or something stronger) and rummage around the larder to see if you've got any cakes or biscuits or crisps uneaten. (Save some for me. I might pop along and join you later.) But if you are intrigued by the idea of visiting and staying a bit longer there are several houses and farms in Chiltington Lane and adjacent lanes which from time to time are bookable via Airbnb. There is some navigation involved in that blog too. But it's less of a struggle as we start somewhere which by now you already know... the end of the lane which has no Chiltington Lane sign. And if you don't know where that is then you might have to reread this blog again from the beginning. |
|
|
 If
you see this sign, on your right, and you were driving, then it's time to find
out how that reverse gear works. You did well to get this far at all without getting stuck. But you won't get any further this way except on a horse or on foot. Yes- you can see Blackcap but this footpath was made by the Saxons and not with shiny cars in mind. You may need a tow to get back to the lane. Regrettably Google maps sends many people up the ramp and over the railway bridge when they type in BN7 3QT. Here in this portion of the metaverse (to mix web entities) you're a long way from the Plex. Send in your complaint and 2 star review later. On a practical note you can see how this sign connects to Chiltington Lane and Novington Lane and the Jolly Sportsman by clicking on my walks article. |
|
|
| East-West versus Left-Right
(not a political rant) Here are some more useful hints to help guide others who are lost to this destination.
If the answer is Yes - turn right as soon as you can. Some of you may say - one tree looks much like another. Well...actually they do. This photo was taken in Spring 2025 at which time there were no leaves on some of the branches. The coming and going of leaves with the seasons provides a kind of protective camouflage for the countryside. And stops the trains running - which makes the lane even quieter than usual. In a few months time I will take another photo from this same exact spot so you'll be confident of finding the lane any time of the year you want. (But I'm not doing snow. Too cold.) |
 |
| The turning? On the right...
Did you miss it? Drat. Stop! Don't go on under the railway bridge. Especially if your vehicle is more than 10 feet high. When you cicrcle back to the missed right turn - park your car in that little triangle with the useless signs poking out of it. Get out and have a good walk around. You will observe - there's no sign saying Chiltington Lane. That's the "no-sign" I wrote about in the panel on the right of this blog. It's the one you want. |
|
|
here's something else for
walkers and riders Long
time Chiltington Lane resident Mary
Parker - who never gets lost around here (if you click on her name it
will take you to her blog page on the South Downs web site) has written many
books with local themes. Her book Walks and Rides around the Bevern Springline Villages is "about the historic villages of Ditchling, Westmeston, Streat, Plumpton, East Chiltington, St. John Without and Hamsey. Linked by the Bevern Stream, these villages are of Saxon origin The surrounding countryside is criss-crossed with public rights of way which provide walkers, horse riders and cyclists with marvellous opportunities to enjoy fresh air, beautiful countryside and historic places." ...more about this book see also:- books set in Ditchling |
from the archives of ChiltingtonLane.com and WrongThingWrongPlace.com South Downs Eton by dog signs (2016) - caviar farm signs (2017) - save the forge signs (2021) - no Eton new town East Chiltington? - never heard of it hello Etongrad! - as in Stalingrad etc the landscape assessment walks in East Chiltington |
 |
 I use a photo of a nearby field as my author bio pic. Much better looking than the real thing and less easily repurposed for training facial recognition algorithms | |||
welcome to Chiltington LaneWhat can you say about a short stretch (about a mile) of quiet English country lane in East Sussex which leads nowhere, nothing ever happens, and not many people live?In 2016 I created a website called ChiltingtonLane.com to which I attached some minor observations from my perspective living and working here. I thought it would be a good way to begin weaning myself away from my day job of nearly 30 years writing about the computer market. Social media soon rendered those little efforts of mine with ChiltingtonLane.com redundant so I stopped hosting that website and moved some of those blogs here to my author site goblinsearch.com which is why you see that above as part of the address. The old website can still be seen on the internet archive - which hasn't managed to capture all those countryside photos. But they'll be making their way here soon. | |||
 | |||
| If you drive past this sign above then you're either going towards your destination (or you might have just missed it). | |||
 | |||
| Whereas if you drive past this sign
above then you're in a time machine and don't need my assistance, because it's
the old sign which was here in 2016 when I first wrote this blog. It was
replaced in about 2022. I preferred the look of the old one - so I didn't add
the new picture here till 2025. Re the above sign BTW (the old one) after reviewing an earlier photo of it which I posted elsewhere and remarking on the poor contrast of text to background - our intrepid photographic team was tasked with the mission of trekking back with the technology to wash it before taking this more striking looking close-up. Reader I have to confess to you that the poor readability of this sign (which no doubt has confused many a wouldbe visitor who has missed it in the murkier hours of daylight and ended up in the outer wildernesses of Haywards Heath) is due to its patina. The crumbling rusty nature of the sign therefore was part of its rustic character and a cause for celebration. We didn't want a shiny new one. Although it would be jolly nice to have one at all - preferably with 2 encouraging words on it - at the other end of the road. The photo below shows you what the Chiltington Lane sign looks like at the other end of the road where it meets Wickham Lane. | |||
. | |||
 | |||
. | |||
| |||
. | |||
| |||
. | |||
 | |||
| |||
. | |||
| |||
.... | |||
| |||
. | |||
 Folklore, memoir, mythology or kidlit? a book I wrote about the South Downs set in nearby Clayton | |||
. | |||
| |||
 rhyme of South Downs Eton by dog |
